If this sun flower could just appear in front of me right now, I would hug you and give you a very big kiss on your face.

I'm disappointed. Really very disappointed. The chapter of my story keeps repeating over and over again as tho the video player was spoiled. I was hoping for a new beginning, a new hope. Hoping a guy would love me. Make me felt loved. Make me feel the love from you. Hoping a guy would surprise me every now and then. Hoping a guy would know how I feel. Hoping a guy would be there for me when I cry. Hoping a guy would comfort me when I'm feeling down. Hoping a guy would not say sorry to me all the time. I'm hoping. Perhaps my expectations are too high. But isn't it that you have high expectations for your love ones? Sorry, I have high expectations.

Even so having high expectations, I did not expect it on you. I just let you do what you want to do but you did not know that what you have been doing are hurting me. But yet I did not mum a single word about it because I thought that it would be fine after that. But my thought was wrong. It was really wrong. I should not have give in to you all the time. I should not have. I don't want a relationship that was just build to be apart so fast. But what could I do? What I could do is to let you do what you want. As long as you like and it satisfy you then that is it. I wouldn't want to care or bother so much then. Which guy would rush down and wipe my tears when I'm crying? My answer is nobody would. I would just hide in my room and cry. And hoping for a new hope the next day. Whenever I cry, I just wish there would be someone there to comfort me. There would be someone there to wipe my tears away for me. But sad to say was that nobody would want to talk to me. Don't even mention comfort. Don't even mention wiping my tears away for me.

I felt that my love have been betrayed.

Endless of "I miss you" I said towards you, you still did not make yourself appear in front of me. Disappointing. Thinking of this makes my tears drop even more.

If you were to ask me whether am I okay, I'm not okay.

I tried my best to be in this relationship. I had tried hard enough. It's up to you now whether you want to salvage the entire relationship. If not, then just let it be over. My heart had sank to its deepest level and not seeing hope anymore. I can't see the light. I can't see it. It's not fastinating to cry. Perhaps it has become my hobby to cry.

I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW. GUIDE ME.

posted 10:57PM

BEACH, BEACH, BEACH. IT'S TIME FOR THE BEACH TODAY!

I have been wanting to get myself more tan and then be satisfied with it and I think I over tan myself. I better stop tanning!

Went to the beach today with boyf. I had asked him whether wanna go to the beach on a Saturday afternoon he did not reply me and is also because I did not ask him again... So we heed to the beach today. I must make calls and calls again to him for him to wake up. He say meet 0830AM at tampines interchange. I reach Tampines interchange at 0835AM and he JUST woke up to get his things ready. He got me waiting till 0858AM. Went to had Macdonald breakfast after waiting for him for so long!



After breakfast, heed down to Sentosa (: We went to siloso beach, found a place and went to the water. Sun tan a lil and spend most of the time in the water playing. Had a great great time with my boyf. Do you had a great time with me? After so, walked around Vivo city, get our lunch and went to his house. He sleep like a pig. I slept for a while. I don't know why I can't sleep. Boyf, you want to know why? You ask me personally. (:

Boyf, thanks for the day today. Even tho its just the whole morning till afternoon, not the entire day, it was already fufilling enough. Hope to have more good times with you!!! Bear that in mind, your girlf will keeps bugging you until you bring me go! Muhahahaha (: Shall blog tomorrow. Will be heading to Vivo city again but this time round with Aisyah. I want to get a bikini (:















posted on 2327.

I don't know why I would be responding like that. Is it because that I am thinking too much or just... I don't know? I have been thinking, our temper would not get us anywhere at the moment. At the moment right now, we are stuck at our temper. We both know that we are stubborn and at certain times, this stubborness could not be put aside. I am disappointed with myself because I could not even get a relationship right again. Felt that somehow there is just a boundary between us. I don't know what is it about but that's how I feel. I felt that our conversations are so limited. I felt that what we can do together are limited. I wanted to go cycling with you, you doesn't want. I wanted to go roller blading with you, you doesn't want. I played with you, you asked me to stop. What I had tried, I tried. When I am frustrated or angry with certain stuffs, I know that putting and showing my anger on you was wrong of me. But at that point of time, what could you said to ease my anger? What could you just say to let me calm down? When I'm frustrated or angry, I am already very disappointed with myself but yet you just sigh and say "sorry that I made you angry again" really makes me even more disappointed. Fact is, I'm not angry with you. I just hope you could say something pleasent for my ears to listen that my brain would ease down.

Your words on Wednesday night really got me thinking. You talked about her, your ex lover. You said that what does her boyf got to deserve to have her? You said those qualities that you had but not her boyf had. You know what? You really got me thinking. You got me thinking that so I'm far worst than her that only she was the one who deserve you. She was the one that would go twirling your heart and make your heart melt. You got all the qualities that you had that deserve her. After saying all your qualities that you had but her boyf did not, you continued and said that she wasn't that good after all.. In the first place, why on earth you told me that? Why on earth you told me that "what does he have to deserve her?". You really got me thinking that you would be a better guy for her compared to her current boyf. I know what I'm saying now might not be what you are thinking now, but this is how I felt. If this is the case, then go ahead with her. I really... feel very heartbroken upon hearing all this.

I chose not to say it on Wednesday because I don't want to spoil the atmosphere. I did not want to mention it just now because I just want to act as tho I did not hear about what you said on Wednesday. But... it just stuck right in my head. Sorry, I felt very heart broken.

I wanted to jog, cycle, roller blade, swim with you but none of it you would want to do it with me. I bug you for cycling, you would just reject with a "NO". What else could I say? I don't want to do all that anymore. It's my turn to say no. It's my turn.

You will sure come to me again and ask me "what I want now?". And showing me in your handphone what I had posted in my blog and questioned me again and again, "what I want now?" Please just shut up about what I am posting right now. If you were to really ask me "what I want now?", sorry that I might..........

If you want to know the answer to that sentence, just try it.

posted at 1.19AM, Friday.

You got me so indulge ♥

I went out everyday and mummy/daddy did not say anything at all. Was happy with the life I have now.

Going out with Cheryl & Angela later and meeting boyf for dinner (:

You got such a nice nice nice girlf okay! Shall take photos today.

-1.15pm